Can I Give You Some Feedback?

We’re all familiar with the phrase “can I give you some feedback.” If you’re like me, you might get a wave of anxiety right after hearing those words. That’s because many of us associate “feedback” with the kind of course correction we’re given during a performance review or when we do something wrong in our job. At worst, feedback comes across as pedantic or punitive… and at best it’s a one-way conversation laden with power dynamics.

However, I’ve found throughout my career that actively seeking feedback has helped me to build trust, credibility, and improve my performance. As you strive to perform at a high level and effectively manage up, down, and across, consider emphasizing these three approaches:

Getting feedback from the people you manage

While it may sound counterintuitive to some people, the most effective leaders solicit feedback from the people they manage. If you’ve hired a knowledgeable, skilled, and dedicated team, your ability to tap into their expertise and perspective is in the company’s best interest (and yours). Why would you want them to hold their tongues and simply follow your direction?

This comes into play whether you’re shaping strategy and plans, problem solving, or striving to improve how you show up as a leader. In every instance, those you manage have unique insight into your team’s priorities as well as the gaps in your vision as a leader and getting their input can be invaluable.

Gathering this kind of feedback starts by creating an environment where your team members are comfortable sharing their perspective, guidance, and concerns. It begins with you asking.

“What am I overlooking?”

“Am I thinking about this the right way?”

“What can I do differently to support you? Do more? Do less? Keep doing?”

This approach models openness, approachability, and vulnerability. When you establish a team dynamic that encourages free-flowing feedback to and from the manager, you create a safe space for people to contribute. In contrast, when feedback is seen as a one-way communication from manager to employee, your team members might be conditioned to sit quietly when they observe things starting to go wrong, rather than help steer you out of harm’s way.

Start with those open-ended questions. Build the trust and then watch the dynamic that unfolds.

Getting feedback from your colleagues

In a similar way, seeking feedback from your colleagues helps you to see problems from different angles, it taps into your colleagues’ wisdom, and it helps ensure that your approach addresses multiple stakeholders’ priorities and pain points. For professionals striving to enhance their influence within their organization, this is one of the most effective ways to build your credibility.

Asking for input and feedback is also an excellent way to build rapport, uncover new information, and find thought-partnership. In situations where your manager isn’t giving you enough support or their feedback isn’t particularly helpful, your colleagues can be a key resource.

Creating those opportunities to gather feedback involves many of the same open-ended questions you’d use with the team you manage. You can also consider a few of these phrases to help you ask for advice or invite thought-partnership.

“Can I get your initial reaction to this idea?”

“Have you encountered a situation like this before?”

“Can you help me think through this challenge I’m having?”

Sometimes people are hesitant to ask colleagues for help, thinking that it signals vulnerability or incompetence. Bear in mind, though, that people love being asked for their opinion. It indicates to them that their viewpoint and experience is valued. It also shows that you possess the level of confidence and humility to be open to new ideas. This helps to strengthen professional relationships and improve your performance as a leader.

Giving feedback to others

When providing feedback to those you manage, your colleagues, or even your manager, the first rule is to be specific with the information you share. What stood out to you about what the person did? What was the impact it had? What did their actions suggest to you about their decision-making process?

“You’re doing a great job” is probably the most unhelpful feedback a person can receive. Although it provides a general sense that one’s work is well received, there’s no indication of why. There’s no guidance regarding what to continue doing or what to adjust. Managers should be mindful that “you’re doing a great job” can actually be one of the most frustrating—and ironically demotivating—things for an ambitious employee to hear.

As a manager, feedback needs to be specific and it needs to be frequent. Guidance that comes only once or twice a year will have a limited effect. Feedback should be provided roughly on a monthly basis and can include formal check-ins and informal (yet specific) conversations. You should offer a mix of corrective and supportive feedback, but try to avoid combining both in the same conversation, as people tend to gravitate toward absorbing one or the other. Try using these kinds of phrases:

“I noticed when you approached it this way, it had a positive impact on XYZ.”

“Here are some important factors I’d like you to consider next time you’re in this situation, in order to avoid [this specific result] that occurred.”

“I don’t think you’re communicating your ideas on this clearly enough, which is causing some confusion/frustration with the team.”

Help them continue to level-up their skills by revisiting past conversations, stacking new lessons on top of old ones, and helping them apply what they’ve learned.

When offering feedback to colleagues or employees, be intentional about the timing and the context. This can have an unexpected effect on how your comments land. Well-intentioned, constructive feedback delivered when a person is feeling vulnerable, defensive, or depleted can be counterproductive. Look for an opportunity when your colleague is ready to absorb, process, and implement the information that you share.

Concluding thoughts

Using the techniques that I’ve outlined will help open some essential communication channels and foster new professional connections. But the key to making this approach effective is how the feedback is received.

Sometimes the feedback you receive is not what you expected and not what you wanted. When asking for input, be careful not to go looking for people to tell you what you want to hear. If you’re getting consistent questions and concerns rather than validation, that’s a signal. Your colleagues and employees are putting themselves out there and taking a risk by providing candid (and perhaps even critical) feedback in the interest of helping the team succeed. How you receive, acknowledge, and respond to that feedback is crucial. Dismissing that critical feedback will damage those relationships and decrease your credibility.

However, when you show your colleagues that their feedback has been heard, absorbed, and understood, you send a powerful message. You model a willingness to take chances, the courage to be wrong, and the openness to hone your approach as a manager and an individual. This behavior of seeking and incorporating feedback from others will continue to build trust and strengthen those relationships and improve your decision-making and leadership skills.